The Most Pleasant Meltdown
I cried so hard. I released so much. It felt so good.
I can’t even sit here and complain and say life has been rough cause even though, yes there’s a million tabs open in my brain currently, life is really really great. I mean, it always is, isn’t? There’s never any lack.
But yes, I’m dealing with $500 worth of car repairs, I had to fly home to New Jersey for a funeral the same weekend that I was supposed to be moving, obviously had to pack up my apartment to move, I’m planning a trip for Iceland & Ireland in 10 days and a million other things but like… I’m grateful for all of that.
Crying has this reputation for being this dark and sad thing. And I’ll admit, for the longest I looked at it as a sign of weakness or sadness. But that’s all a matter of perception. Crying is actually the most normal thing and most of us probably need to do it more often. Pride is the root of so much evil. It’s the root of so much fear more than anything.
Last week I attended a social event I had agreed earlier in the week to go to. The day came around and I felt a little hesitant about still going cause I knew I had a lot of packing to do and what not but it had been so long since I went out and about like that, so I continued on with the plans.
The moment I walked into the room, I wanted to leave. And I’ve experienced this a million times being the introverted-home-body person that I am but this was like an intense ‘please-remove-me-from-this-space-cause-we’ve-out-grown-this-energy’. Everything in my spirit didn’t want to be there and I was fighting tears so hard! I honestly never experience anxiety intensely but that felt like one of the first times that I truly did. I wanted to want to be there so bad but my sense of needs and wants just aren’t what they used to be anymore.
By the time I got home I was non-stop crying. I feel like people will read that and be like “aww it’s going to be okay girl!” and start giving me all of the advice that I’m genuinely not seeking. This cry felt good. Typically in the past when I was crying, it was sad, it was heavy. But now a days, with the way my spirituality has changed, I feel so light and lifted.
This is all to say, let’s get more comfortable with releasing. Crying isn’t weak. If anything, more of us probably need to have a healthy cry more often. When is the last time you genuinely had a good cry?